Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
