Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
