i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
