Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Houston, we have a squirter
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
