who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize