i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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