i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
