we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
