he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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