My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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