I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
