It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
