Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
