He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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