if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize