we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
