Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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