just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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