Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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