theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
