dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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