Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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