She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
