If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
