NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
