I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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