im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
