Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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