I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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