NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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