so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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