Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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