I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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