I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
