I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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