i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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