Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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