Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
