I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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