haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
