what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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