he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Randomize
