ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
