Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
