if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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