I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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