She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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