I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
