What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
