She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
