He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
