I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
