do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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