I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
