remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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