I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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