My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
