I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
