I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize