wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
