i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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