you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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