they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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