I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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