let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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