CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
