You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
