$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
