She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
