I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He did a backflip because drugs
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
