I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
