Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
