If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
