I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
