I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize