I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
