Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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