I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
