"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The power of my boobs compel you
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
