Porn is love you can see.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
