What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize