i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
