eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
