i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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