Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
