i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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