you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
