Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I checked into jail on foursquare
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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