Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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