you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
