Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
