All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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