I think i peed on brittanys purse
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Green mimosas i think yes
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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