He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
