I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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