It's like God shit irony all over that family
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
