I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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