A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
