I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
