So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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