I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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