Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
