Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize