The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
