I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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