This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
